Mama Mojo

I have never been away from my daughter more than four days.  Now as I head away from balmy Los Angeles to frigid Montreal, I am reminded of why.  I feel like I’m missing my right arm.  I say right arm because I do most things with my right hand, the left being there for, well aesthetic balance mostly, I suppose.  Even as excited as I am to start a new job in a startlingly beautiful city, the thought of being without my right arm—my Maggie—makes my stomach hurt.  I’m sure my husband’s stomach is tied in knots as well, but for completely different reasons.  He’s got a cheeky, energetic three year old to feed, keep safe and reason with.

Not every kid has two parents, but I do understand why it is considered the ideal situation.  Actually, forget two parents, it really does take a village to raise a child.  Maggie’s got some serious Daddy-bonding time coming up, and they’re both excited about it, but still, we’ve called in reinforcements.  Grammie is in route to take up temporary residence, Poppy is slotted for weekends, and Grandma, who lives two minutes away, is always on-call.

Knowing that our support system is firmly in place for my time away makes me breathe a huge sigh of relief.  It won’t make me miss my right arm any less, but it comforts me to know that Maggie will be surrounded by as much love as I can give her.  Hopefully, with the exception of fewer brushed teeth and some mismatched outfits, she’ll be none the worse for wear.

© Kellie Martin, 2010

Leaving my daughter even to get my hair cut can be pretty dramatic.  While most people can take me or leave me, to Maggie, I am the coolest person on the planet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to be worshipped, but man, it can feel a bit oppressive at times.  As much as I hate seeing her cry, Mama’s gotta get her hair did and Mama’s gotta work.

It would be so easy to just sneak out while Maggie’s contentedly playing in the backyard with Dad.  Easy in the short run, not so good in the long run.  Saying goodbye to your child is essential to making them feel safe and secure.  If you are upfront with them about where you are going and when you will be back, they will learn to trust you.

Start it early, like when they’re a few months old, and by the time they’re three they will just blow you a kiss and happily send you on your way.  Well, most of the time… .

© Kellie Martin, 2010

It seems that every kids menu in America features chicken nuggets.  We all know what chicken is but I thought it might be interesting to ponder the term nugget for a moment. Webster’s defines nugget as:  ”a solid lump.”  Hummm… not what I’m dying to eat for dinner.  How about you?

Unfortunately at most restaurants there is too little actual chicken but a whole lot of solid lumpiness… er, nugget.  Now let’s ponder for a moment an alternative:  chicken tender. Wow, that sounds much more appetizing.  Let’s go one step further:  Chicken tenders with Parmesan cheese.  Now you’re talking!

Chicken Tenders with Parmesan Cheese
8 chicken tenders or 3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts cut into 8 strips
1 teaspoon salt and 1/2 teaspoon pepper 
1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 cup bread crumbs
2 tablespoons olive oil, divided 
- Preheat oven to 450 degrees.
- Sprinkle chicken with salt, pepper and 1 tablespoon olive oil.
- Combine cheese and bread crumbs on a shallow dinner plate.  Roll chicken in cheese/bread crumb mixture, making sure all sides are coated.
- Place chicken in a baking dish.  Sprinkle with remaining tablespoon olive oil.
- Bake for 20 minutes or until cooked through.

© Kellie Martin, 2010

I’ve been a actor for a very long time.  And one of the most important aspects of my job is to support the other actors with whom I am working.  That means no matter how strangely an actor decides to deliver their line of dialogue or how intensely they react, I just need to work with it.  My acting teacher described it as “Yes, and… ” Whatever is thrown at you in a scene, you keep going and build on it.  That’s part of the excitement of being an actor, you never know where a scene will take you.

Raising my daughter is shockingly similar.  Except with Maggie, she is more committed to her intention than any actor I’ve ever worked with, and her highs and lows are infused with more drama than any diva I’ve run across.  As her mom (or her costar, if you will) I am constantly being tested on how supportive I can be in a various array of situations (or scenes).  My task is to respond with, “Yes, and… ”  Let me give you an example:

Maggie:  “I’m making cookies.”
Me:  ”That’s nice sweetie.  What kind?”  
Maggie:  ”It’s called sugar brown mixed with playdough cook.”

Just because I’ve never heard of sugar brown mixed with playdough cook cookies, who am I to say that they don’t exist?  If I am to be a supportive member of this scene my response should sound something like:

Me:  ”Yes, and I bet those sugar brown mixed with playdough cook cookies taste as good as they sound.”

As parents we can spend so much time correcting our children that we often forget to enjoy the amazing yet bizarre things that come out of their mouths.  Let their imaginations run a little wild.  Just think of where we’d be if Shakespeare’s mama told him that his iambic pentameter hullabaloo was just a bunch of nonsense?

© Kellie Martin, 2010

My husband is not the guy who surprises me with flowers and candy on Valentine’s Day.  He’s from Montana, and he’s very practical.  He won’t buy cut flowers because: “They just end up dying.”  And he’s never bought me candy because:  ”You’re an actress, you won’t eat it anyway.”  Little does he know that sometimes we actresses do eat candy.  And like it.  A lot.

Actually, my husband does really sweet (albeit practical) things on Valentine’s Day. One year he planted me a little rose garden.  Ten years later I’ve had hundreds of roses from that Valentine’s Day.  Sweet, thoughtful and super economical.

You don’t need to spend a lot of money to tell someone that you love them.  I think this message is especially important for kids.  Instead of buying them cheesy stuffed animals or crummy mylar balloons, how about taking them for a horseback ride or to the local carousel?  Or give them a homemade coupon for a fishing trip with Dad?  Be creative but keep it simple.  Thoughtfulness and time spent together are far more valuable than trinkets.

© Kellie Martin, 2010

I’ve been reading to my daughter since she was in my belly.  Most nights before going to sleep, my husband and I would read one Dr. Seuss story to the “little bean” as we called our unborn child. I’m sure I heard somewhere that your kid will come out smarter the earlier you read to them.  Or maybe I just really wanted an excuse to break out the classics I remember hearing as a child.  Green Eggs and Ham!  C’mon you know you love reading it all by yourself!

Now that Maggie is 3, she has most of her favorite books memorized to the point where she’ll correct me if I miss a word.  She usually has a stack eight books thick for me to read to her before bed.  There’s a chance she’s just trying to delay the inevitable sleep, but I choose to think that she’s just developed an intense love for books.  You can spoil your kids in a lot of ways, but there really is no limit to how much you can read to them.

One word of advice:  make sure your child’s shelf is stocked with books that not only they love but that you love as well, because, trust me, you and those books will be spending a lot of time together.  Thankfully Maggie has latched on to a great series of books by Kate DiCamillo about a pig named Mercy Watson, who has an affinity for toast with a great deal of butter.  The books are about 50 pages long (big print with pictures, don’t worry!) and are as entertaining and engaging for me as they are for Maggie.  In fact, I’m pretty disappointed if I don’t get my daily Mercy Watson fix.  I mean… she’s a really cool pig!

© Kellie Martin, 2010

My daughter’s school doesn’t allow the kids to wear recognizable characters on their clothes.  According to the school handbook, they find that it distracts from the learning process.  This looked like a potentially HUGE problem for us.  It’s rare that Maggie isn’t wearing something emblazoned with Hello Kitty.  What can I say, she’s a fan.

I thought that this rule seemed a bit cruel and unusual until we were out having dinner recently.  Maggie noticed a sweatshirt that the little girl at the next table was wearing. The Disney Princesses.  Yep, all of them.  Belle, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and (the juggernaut) Cinderella.  Needless to say, there was no eating for Maggie.  She couldn’t take her eyes off that sweatshirt.

I now understand the reasoning behind the “no characters at school” rule.  When kids are preschool age, it’s darn near impossible for them to focus at all, much less when Thomas the Train is grinning at them from their best friend’s lunchbox.  Kids should be exposed to new, unexpected and fascinating ideas and concepts at school. Featured characters in the classroom may include Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., George Washington and Emily Dickinson (Okay, so maybe a tad advanced for preschool, but…)

It’s fine to let them be fans of all things Disney, Dora and otherwise, as long as it doesn’t define them.  They need to be without characters enough of the time so that they can develop their own… er, character.

© DIT Productions, Inc., 2010

I was very grumpy yesterday.  Grumpy enough that Maggie at one point grabbed my hand and very sweetly told me:  ”It’s okay, Mama.  Take a deep breath. (Maggie inhales) And out (Maggie exhales).”

Startled by her insight and astute advice, I obeyed her instructions. Inhale.  Exhale. Wow, I do feel better.  How did a 3 year old know how to do that?  Oh, right, I tell her to take a deep breath all the time.  She just gave me a taste of my own medicine.

In this example I sound like a great mom, but trust me, frequently I’m unpleasantly surprised by the words my little parrot throws back at me.  I forget sometimes that she’s a sponge—that not only does she pick up on the slight nuances of my mood, she hears and internalizes every word I say.  That means she hears when I yell at the dog or when I’m rude to the telemarketer who calls during dinner.  If it’s okay for Mama to do it, it must be okay for Maggie to do it.

For me, having a kid has been a supreme wake up call.  It’s really made me look at how I treat others, even those I’m not fond of (I’m not speaking of my dog, I really do love her, she just makes me mad sometimes!).  It’s reminded me of all those virtues we’re supposed to hold dear.  And, I guess it’s never too late to learn.

© Kellie Martin, 2010

We’re supposed to be in Hawaii today but because Maggie’s been visiting Sickville instead, we stayed home.  Traveling with a 3 year old is hard enough, much less a sick 3 year old.  So, we’re home, and I’m trying not to be grumpy about it.

On vacation, Hawaii or elsewhere, I really enjoy a good margarita (on the rocks with salt, if you’re wondering).  Since it’s not quite noon here, I think I’ll make another of my vacation favorites:  guacamole.  It’ll make me feel like I’m somewhere tropical, if just for a few moments.  Plus, Maggie eats it by the spoonful, sick or well.

Guacamole
2 ripe avocados
¼ cup onion, finely chopped
1 tablespoon fresh parsley, chopped
the juice of 1 lemon
1 small, ripe tomato, seeded
1 garlic clove, minced
2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
salt and pepper
-  in a medium-sized bowl, smash the avocados with a fork; add all other ingredients; season to taste with salt and pepper

Here’s the final ingredient to make you really feel like you’re on vacation:

© Kellie Martin, 2010

For my baby shower, I registered for a bunch of big, plastic, battery-operated toys. Isn’t that what every post-millennium, cutting-edge, über-baby needs?  Things like their very own IPod Touch that can operate animated yet educational games?  Talking board books and blinking, bouncy exersaucers?  Otherwise how will my kid keep up in this electronic, digital, battery-operated world?

The truth is, your baby can be über without any of that cutting-edge stuff.  Your child has actually been hard-wired with something much more amazing:  an imagination.

Today Maggie built a “snowman” inside our house using her old highchair and my Ugg boots. She used her jacket and hat to “keep him warm” and plastic spoons for the eyes “to help the snowman see his wife.”  Kids will naturally turn ordinary objects into playthings if you give them the space.

Instead of stocking your playroom with flashy, tripped-out toys, invest in a set of wooden blocks; go through your closet to find some “dress-up” clothes; have crayons and paper readily available; and keep you child’s shelf stocked with great books.

Trust me, you won’t miss for a second the blinking, bouncy post-millennium noise.

© Kellie Martin, 2010

My little one woke up with sniffles, a cough and zero appetite.  You know what that means… yep, we’re on our way to Sickville.  Not my favorite place.

While visiting Sickville, we stick close to home and keep it very simple.  No playdates, no school; instead there are lots of tea parties with stuffed animals and taking care of baby dolls (who are coincidently feeling “yucky” as well).  Other than that, Maggie’s life revolves around sleeping, eating and drinking.

But how do you get your kid to eat and drink when it’s the last thing they want to do?

Our go-to sick treat is popsicles.  Not store bought, but homemade.  It’s so easy and making them together will lift your kid’s spirits while their feeling down.  Grab your juicer, popsicle molds, and bunch of oranges.  No sugar, just orange vitamin C goodness!

© Kellie Martin, 2010

I think hummus is one of my favorite things to eat.  No matter what I’m craving, hummus always satisfies.  Thank goodness Maggie loves it as much as I do—I seem to serve it about every other day.

It’s made from chickpeas, so it’s packed with protein.  I serve it (ideally) with homemade pita, kalamata olives (Maggie’s fave!), tomatoes and parsley.  Don’t be impressed… I’m pretty sure the Greeks thought of this flavor combination before I did.

We have two favorite hummus recipes.  One from The Barefoot Contessa Cookbook and the other, slightly more labor intensive (but so worth it) version, is from The Angelica Home Kitchen.  Check them out!

One rather “multicultural” way Maggie likes to enjoy her hummus is in a hummus quesadilla.  Buy or make hummus, slather it over a tortilla, fold it in half and stick it on a pan over medium-low heat.  It usually take about 2 minutes per side.  Feel free to throw in some avocado or kalamata olives.

I really wanted to say “enjoy” in Greek here, but it’s waaaay too difficult!

© Kellie Martin, 2010

I used to love busy work days more than anything.  You know, those days when you forget to eat and you’re not even trying to diet?  Those days when your focus is razor sharp and there’s no mountain you can’t climb?  The only problem with busy days… they leave you exhausted and depleted.  Not exactly awesome when you have a little one to care for.

After having my child I’ve tried to limit my busy work days.  Sometimes I can; sometimes I can’t and don’t want to—that’s when I feel guilty.  Even though I love my work, when I’m away from home I think of all the things I’m missing:  playing outside in the afternoon, dinner, bathtime, reading books….  Aside from tantrums, there isn’t anything Maggie-related that I don’t mind missing.

Feeling guilt for time spent away from your child is inevitable.  But you can help ease this feeling by doing two things:  First, make sure that when you aren’t with them that they are safe and that their time away from you is enriching.  Second, make sure that your time away, whether it’s for work or play, is enriching and fulfilling.

Maggie and I spent most of the today apart, but we had a ton to talk about at dinner.

© Kellie Martin, 2010

Maggie started preschool a few months ago.  It’s the first of her transitions that made me realize how fast time goes.  Suddenly, I had a kid who picks out her clothes the night before, laughs about inside jokes she has with school friends I’ve never met, and… carries a lunchbox!

Feeling a little like I had just lauched into unchartered waters, I focused on something I could control:  the contents of the lunchbox.  Of course I would have no idea whether or not she actually consumed anything I put in, but it made me feel slightly better to focus my energy on preparing a healthy school lunch.

Let’s start with Pasta Salad.  I make this the night before, so I can avoid preschool morning chaos.

1 lb. fusilli pasta
1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
juice of 2 lemons
4 green onions (white and green parts), diced
1 bell pepper of any color, diced
1 14-oz can artichoke hearts, quartered then roasted (see note)*
15 kalamata olives, pitted and cut in half
1/4 cup freshly grated parmesan cheese
1 tbsp. fresh oregano, minced
2 tbsp. cup fresh parsley, chopped
1 tbsp. fresh basil, chopped
salt and pepper

- Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil.  Cook fusilli for 8-10 minutes or until al dente.  Drain.  Place pasta into a large bowl.  
- Add the olive oil  and lemon juice and mix gently.
- Mix in remaining ingredients, adding the parmesan cheese last.  Season to taste with salt and pepper.
*Artichoke Hearts Note:  Preheat oven to 400 degrees.  Place artichoke hearts on a sheet pan.  Sprinkle with olive oil, salt and pepper.  Roast for 15-20 minutes.

The pasta salad is packed with veggies, so all you need to add to the lunch is a piece of fruit then some black beans or sliced chicken for protein.

PS:  If you want to ditch the plastic bags since they’re bad for our kids and bad for the environment, try these fantastic alternatives pictured below:  washable organic cotton bags from Graze Organic (grazeorganic.com) and stainless steel lunch tins from LunchBots.

© Kellie Martin, 2010